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Author Topic: Blueberry the Fairy  (Read 471 times)

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Offline Die.Toets

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Blueberry the Fairy
« on: December 22, 2014, 08:22:18 PM »
Summary: A short narration and story and life of Blueberry the Fairy.

Tell me what you think. Constructive criticism is welcome. :)






There was a fairy there goes by the name Blueberry. She's not your average fairy. She sprinkles some kind of dust ability to heal those who are going through misfortunate in life. Help those to find true love and cope with sadness and find true happiness once again and also bring those to them that never had happiness in their life. Blueberry was a special fairy, she was almost like a goddess but still a fairy. She was a high rank fairy but different, unique and like no other because she was a rare type of fairy.

Blueberry lived in a four leafed clover tree in a green lush meadow all by herself without friends and family in the forest called March Grove because it was always Spring in that forest here on Earth. There are other fairies on different parts of Earth and she has met some of them but she remains alone and aloof because she's a lonewolf but with a heart of gold. Yes she smiles and never frowns, she's just independent and always looking on the bright side of the things. She cares for the animals in the forest when their in need if their hurt or in danger because Blueberry is somewhat of a powerful fairy but not God like but almost. She has other abilties, telepathey and shapeshifting. She can only turn into a human when the moment is right. She has been in love with a mortal but all that fade when she ran from it and never seen the man again because she had to face the great sorcerer that was terriozing her forest long ago. At this state and this time and present of moment that's all she worries. She never thinks about this past, she's a strong and passionate fairy.

"My heart goes out to the citizens of Earth and fairies and human alike. I will do my duty to protect and sworn on my grave to keep my promise until the day I die. That no matter what happens. Every little step and all of me can take. I serve my purpose to protect March Grove and else where that needs to be protected and nutured with love and hope. That's a promise."

Offline Black Box

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Re: Blueberry the Fairy
« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2014, 01:46:49 AM »
Hi there Die.toets,
First of all the name "Blueberry the fairy" is really rhythmic & a bit funny (I like it though). I like your idea but i really need to know are you writing it for children or for adults. Cause a lot of improvements could be done if we can mature the content of the story. And by mature i mean to say a little bit more deep. For instance,
She has been in love with a mortal but all that fade when she ran from it and never seen the man again because she had to face the great sorcerer that was terriozing her forest long ago. At this state and this time and present of moment that's all she worries. She never thinks about this past, she's a strong and passionate fairy.


Instead :
There was once a time when she had fallen in love with a mortal being. But soon it fade away. A Dark & evil sorcerer had been awakened. He threatened to destroy the forest & its creature and turn it into his Dark Layer. As her duty called her out for protecting the forest, she scarified her one and only chance of happiness and she run away from her man to protect her kingdom.

Well this is one way to tell the story. Mostly i used some heavy words, but i took time to give some adjectives to sorcerer to make him look bad. And then here & there i used some strong word to describe the  dare situation she was in which forced her to do so.
And also  this is a really good technique to analyse your own work. Read the whole story & see if there are some mistake in it, like words mistake: "they are" not "their" or if your sentence conveys proper meaning or not.
 
So i can give you only one advice since i am not really a good writer, Try to emphasize some important thing or events so that reader can have clear image in his/her mind as he reads.  Maybe there are some other fellow TKC member who are much better at story writing (I suppose Admins as they are soon going to release light novel on ang or some regular fan fiction writers), and they can provide you really good tips for writing.
I hope it helps you.
« Last Edit: December 23, 2014, 03:05:45 AM by Black Box »

Offline Die.Toets

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Re: Blueberry the Fairy
« Reply #2 on: December 23, 2014, 10:13:21 PM »
I did wanted to aim it at children since I can't view the Mature Board. :/ I'm not really a dark person, I like family stories. I will never go beyond PG.

EDIT: HMM, you do have good points. ^^
« Last Edit: December 23, 2014, 10:18:06 PM by Die.Toets »

 

       
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